Jesus and Java

“I’ve learned that trusting and following the heart of God is the most beautifully risky thing you’ll ever do. It requires much risk, much sacrifice…but it is the most satisfying and fulfilling thing you’ll ever do. In many ways, we know that this story we’ve been a part of is just beginning…and we are thrilled that God chose us to be a part of such a magnificent story.”

::Aaron Ivey

These words are so true, they reflect the struggles of adoption and the struggles of life. You can read the full post here.

We have been lifting up organizations such as Real Hope for Haiti and Compassion International in prayer and rightly so. We have been lifting the people of Haiti and all those who have come to their aid in prayer also. I would encourage you to continue to lift your voices to God for those in Haiti, to continue to give finically and sacrificially.

“God burden our hearts for the widow and orphan. Burden our hearts for this hurting country, for the people of Haiti. Amen.”

I can’t believe it’s been since the 22nd of November that I have updated my blog. I have been so busy with Lauren and the student ministry at our church that I have not had much time to update here.

Lauren is doing amazing. She had her trach taken out and the stoma stitched closed this past weekend. She is now home and making noise. She is quite a bit hoarse but that is to be expected. She has “discovered” her voice we thing and sits and makes noise when she reads a book. The greatest moment is one I posted on twitter. I could feel her breath on my neck as I held her sleeping body in my arms. It brought tears to my eyes because it’s one of those things must of us take for granted.

The student ministry is going full throttle this month. I actually can’t wait till the end of the month so we can all (students included) breath a little. We had a spaghetti lunch this past Sunday to raise some money for our winter retreat which is scheduled for the 20th-22nd of December. We are heading to Boone, NC for two days of skiing and worship/retreat time. I’m going to be teaching and Justin Teseniar is going to be leading the music this year. I’m hoping that this will be a very reflective soul searching time for our students as they reflect on this past year and look to the new one that is upon us. Last night and tonight we are volunteering at the Christmas Toy Store which is hosted by our local association of churches and is an opportunity for our students to help those in need. We have Refuge tomorrow night as well as a parent meeting to follow for the winter retreat and a few other events this month for the church as a whole and our student ministry. December is also a time I do a lot of planning for the following year and really try to get my brain wrapped around the direction God has for us.

Fun Times!

I’ve had a lot on my mind lately. Some of which I would love to share on here and some of which I just can’t. Some of it is exciting yet stressful and some is just unknown to us but known to God.

Lauren is rocking it. In fact, we are waiting on a date to have her trach taken out which is big news for our household. All we are waiting on is the OR date, which could be as early as the first week of December. We can’t even fathom what life will be like without all the medical equipment we have to carry around with us. The diaper bag alone will loose about 20lbs! It will just be amazing. We are going to be able to put “the tank” in storage for awhile and take out pinky. The tank is the tandem double stroller we use to carry all her medical junk as well as whatever else we need to bring with us places. Pinky is a VERY pinky stroller that screams girl. Even though she is getting the trach out, she still cannot eat on her own and will have the feeding tube for a long while. Our goal is to start kindergarden without the feeding tube, feeding pump, and backpack; so that is a few years.

I have friends who have just recently changed church jobs (as well as states) and friends who are praying for God’s leading to new positions. I know churches who are struggling with the choices they have made/will make in the coming months and I’m praying for God’s direction for them.

I’m seeking God’s direction for our student ministry this coming year. We have our Winter Retreat coming up and I still have a lot of planning and prep to do. I’m praying for each of our students who are going to attend this event and those who have darkened the door of Refuge since I came on staff, I pray that God would speak into their lives even if they don’t care to hear what he has to say.

God has been challenging me through various books and blogs I have been reading and I’m grateful. There are many minds out there far more brilliant then my own.

Now I leave you and ask for your continued pray for my daughter, my wife, and myself too. I’m off to play a bit on my box before I slip under the blankets and drift off to sleep.

Digging around on my friends blogs has lead to a few thoughts of conviction on community today. I’d like to share this quote from Bush, who besides being an amazing photographer, who challenges with his images, is also a man who challenges with his words. I’ve meet this guy in person once and have to say he inspires me and I love him for that.

We want to know the names of the people on our street, and begin to know their stories. It’s pointless for us as a family to move into this neighborhood if we never meet the family two houses down, or the man who lives at the end of the street. We can’t love and serve our neighbors if we don’t know their names or their situations. I feel like the backyards and security fences of America have been one of the biggest hindrances to great community being formed. It’s time for us to come outside, and embrace the world in all of it’s beauty and brokenness. I am hoping God will grant us favor with our neighbors, and that relationships will be formed.

::Steven Bush

If you want to read the full post check it out here.

I’ve started reading a book this week called “Crazy Love,” I know, you read the title and your like what? Just hear me out a minute. It is a book by pastor/speaker Francis Chan, who many of you in our church have likely never heard of, but I would encourage you to pick up this book and give it a read. I am on the first chapter and desire to share with you something Chan wrote in the preface.

“This book is written for those who want more Jesus. It is for those who are bored with what American Christianity offers. It is for those who don’t want to plateau, those who would rather die before their convictions do.”

I stand amazed when I read this and have to admit that I am VERY bored with “American Christianity” and what it offers as Chan has said. I believe when we step back and look at our Christianity, that is our personal belief in Christ and what the word “disciple” means, many of us would have to admit we have reached a plateau having found the comfort it offers good. I would also add our desire to continue the journey to the summit has waned considerably and I fear for many it may not exist at all.

In my own life, I have this desire of wanting more Jesus of wanting to follow Him no matter the cost but am I willing to do what it takes? Are you willing too? Are we as a church willing? I am excited as I read the pages and scared too because the words are challenging my soul. Later in the preface Chan goes on to say,

“We need to stop giving people excuses not to believe in God. You’ve probably heard the expression “I believe in God, just not organized religion.” I don’t think people would say that if the church truly lived like we are called to live. The expression would change to “I can’t deny what the church does, but I don’t believe in their God.” At least then they’d address their rejection of God rather than use the church as a scapegoat.”

Wow. He is right you know, I’ve know many people who say this and I have to agree we give people the excuses. Christians stand before the world and are looked upon by our actions, our lives, and our churches. Sad but true, the actions of a few speak for the majority. I’m not sure the direction this book is heading, but the title “Crazy Love” and Francis Chan’s desire to pursue God, “to lead a church of comfortable people into lives of risk and adventure” sounds like a great vision to me. I’ll leave you with the closing words of the preface and hope you pick up a copy of this book.

“Come with me on this journey. I don’t promise it will be painless. Change, as we all know, is uncomfortable. It’s up to you to respond to what you read. But you will have a choice: to adjust how you live daily or to stay the same.”

This next week is going to be busy.

Monday: appointment for Lauren with peds neurosurgery, OT appointment for Lauren, work at the church in the afternoon, meeting with Copeland to get speakers back, drop drum set off to Justin Teseniar, and work on service for refuge Wednesday.

Tuesday: Work on service for refuge & setup the worship area. Be home by 3PM so the nurse can leave. Stay with Lauren until the nurse comes at 11PM while attempting to work from home. Watch lots of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. Fallout 3 Game of the Year Edition drops. Cook Dinner.

Wednesday: Up early for nurse to leave, finish service details/setup for refuge, pickup the outlaws I mean in-laws from the airport (I might have lunch with them if I am lucky), nurse leaves at 4 when my sweet wife gets home (she will be happy to see her parents). refuge at 6PM, freak out because I don’t have someone to lead music, then remember that my computer can handle it.

Thursday: Lauren’s surgery. We love visitors but Duke is not allowing ANYONE to visit other then immediate family members and no one under 18. Clergy are an exception, which covers just about all the people I know! However please call my cell before coming to see us. Lauren will spend at least the first day/night in the PICU of her 5 day stay and no one but us can be in there with her.

Friday: Stay with Lauren in hospital, hopefully on step down, pending how she recovers. Work on service stuff for Sunday. Push lauren around Duke in her stroller for 12 hours (pending how she’s doing). You laugh but last time we walked around Duke that much with her. We saw the fish tank (her favorite thing at Duke) every few minutes.

Saturday: Stay with Lauren in hospital.

Sunday: Morning service & movie night at church, stay with Lauren in hospital.

Alastair Vance leading on Vox and Guitar tonight. Here is the setlist:

Praise Is Rising
From The Inside Out
Take All Of Me
Surrender

The message tonight is on Consequences which is part of a video driven series called Choose from BluefishTV featuring Marcus Goodloe as the speaker and stories from various teenagers about addiction to sex, drugs, and porn. Tough stuff tonight but worth hitting on. I can’t wait to share this story of surrender with our students and invite them to write on the “wall” and give these things that so hinder their lives to Jesus and let him work in their lives.

The wall is a black piece of foam board that they can write on with a marker and it disappears so what they write is between them and God. I guess you could call it a wall of confession. It was up last week and we are going to use it for the next few weeks.

I’m sitting here in my office, I have not been in this seat very much this week or last but I’m hear now. We cancelled refuge this past wednesday night (good or not, I feel it was the right choice). There was no way I could make it here from Duke after Lauren had her tests to set things up (we had an event in the fellowship hall the same day so setup had not happened yet) nor would I have been in the right frame of mind to teach, or did I have enough time to have someone else prep. I have to say that balancing the ministry here and the home life has been a challenge. I fee that I am behind in so much and ahead in other things. Im glad my real office weighs about 6 pounds and has a 15″ screen with a glowing Apple logo. I’ve found it interesting to do ministry “work” in different environments and glad that I work at a church that has entrusted me with this ministry even when it means I’m not sitting at my physical desk 40 hours a week or for two days because Lauren has appointments or she is in the hospital, or that my car is at the church till 12AM one night and only there 4 hours the following day, or that I’m up until all hours planning a worship service because that’s when time was available to do so and I have not been sleeping well anyway. Our church knows I’m working when I can, 5 minutes here, a couple hours there. I’m thankful for technology and the ability I have through it to work in these different places where 20-30 years ago it would have been more of a challenge. Our students have been understanding too, we connect daily/weekly on Facebook and through twitter and text messaging. No, it does not compare to “in person” community (in my opinion) but it’s a form of community just the same and for them more so. Find balance in life is hard. If God is the focus, the center (thanks Charlie Hall) then all things find balance and flow out from him who is the axis of life.

So I’m thankful for technology, for life, for Lauren, for a church that has my back, for our students’ and adults’ support/understanding, and for God who we struggle with understanding sometimes (especially when our life is nuts) but hey I’m okay with that since Jeremy Copeland reminded my wife and I Sunday night at a preview service for a church he is planting called Story Church that “Jesus isn’t overwhelmed by our circumstances.”

Phone just rang and a student needs a lift from school so I’m out to pick him up and spend some time with him and hope that God would use me as a subtle tool to speak hope and love into the areas of his life that he needs it most.

I read these words over at my friend bush’s blog.

“May God grant me the grace and the ability to show August what it means to be a Godly man…who risks everything he has for the sake of the Kingdom and Glory of God.”

The whole line has hit me when it comes to my daughter, her life now brings people hope. Will it in the future? Will my wife and I raise her to be a Godly woman? Will she choose to live her life that way? See ultimately it’s her choice, no matter what she chooses or how she lives we will love her, encourage her, and support her. I pray too like Bush, that God would grant me the grace an ability to show Lauren what it means to live a Godly life.

Now the last part really hits me as a father/pastor/christian/whatever you want to call me “…who risks everything he has for the sake of the Kingdom and Glory of God.” Man, I don’t think I’m there, this has been something I’ve really been struggling with lately, and if I’m not there how can I as a father/pastor/christian live that out for my daughter or the people I minister too week in and week out?

Lets face it though, most of us sitting in front of our computers, in the air conditioned office/home/coffee shop where your reading this are with me. We talk big and it’s just big talk. If God told you or I to drop everything and move your family to who knows where, with no place yet to live, a mortgage to pay where your at now, no job, no whatever, we would not do it. We always want a plan, and always have a plan ‘B” in the wings. We don’t really just “risk everything for the sake of the Kingdom and Glory of God” do we?

My God, when you bring these moments into my life may I be willing to risk it all like Bush is talking about, for the sake of your Kingdom and your Glory, for the sake of my daughter to be a Godly example to her and to speak into her life on your behalf, and for the sake of those who you will bring into my life, that they might see you in my brokenness.

Here is one of the videos I have been working on for The Justin Teseniar Band for their upcoming Holding on to Hope Tour. I hope you enjoy watching it and then book them. It will be an amazing God centered night of worship. If you would like a copy of the Holding on to Hope tour info for your church or other venue let me know and it will get dropped it in the mail.