Compassion
I can’t believe it’s been since the 22nd of November that I have updated my blog. I have been so busy with Lauren and the student ministry at our church that I have not had much time to update here.
Lauren is doing amazing. She had her trach taken out and the stoma stitched closed this past weekend. She is now home and making noise. She is quite a bit hoarse but that is to be expected. She has “discovered” her voice we thing and sits and makes noise when she reads a book. The greatest moment is one I posted on twitter. I could feel her breath on my neck as I held her sleeping body in my arms. It brought tears to my eyes because it’s one of those things must of us take for granted.
The student ministry is going full throttle this month. I actually can’t wait till the end of the month so we can all (students included) breath a little. We had a spaghetti lunch this past Sunday to raise some money for our winter retreat which is scheduled for the 20th-22nd of December. We are heading to Boone, NC for two days of skiing and worship/retreat time. I’m going to be teaching and Justin Teseniar is going to be leading the music this year. I’m hoping that this will be a very reflective soul searching time for our students as they reflect on this past year and look to the new one that is upon us. Last night and tonight we are volunteering at the Christmas Toy Store which is hosted by our local association of churches and is an opportunity for our students to help those in need. We have Refuge tomorrow night as well as a parent meeting to follow for the winter retreat and a few other events this month for the church as a whole and our student ministry. December is also a time I do a lot of planning for the following year and really try to get my brain wrapped around the direction God has for us.
Fun Times!
I’ve started reading a book this week called “Crazy Love,” I know, you read the title and your like what? Just hear me out a minute. It is a book by pastor/speaker Francis Chan, who many of you in our church have likely never heard of, but I would encourage you to pick up this book and give it a read. I am on the first chapter and desire to share with you something Chan wrote in the preface.
“This book is written for those who want more Jesus. It is for those who are bored with what American Christianity offers. It is for those who don’t want to plateau, those who would rather die before their convictions do.”
I stand amazed when I read this and have to admit that I am VERY bored with “American Christianity” and what it offers as Chan has said. I believe when we step back and look at our Christianity, that is our personal belief in Christ and what the word “disciple” means, many of us would have to admit we have reached a plateau having found the comfort it offers good. I would also add our desire to continue the journey to the summit has waned considerably and I fear for many it may not exist at all.
In my own life, I have this desire of wanting more Jesus of wanting to follow Him no matter the cost but am I willing to do what it takes? Are you willing too? Are we as a church willing? I am excited as I read the pages and scared too because the words are challenging my soul. Later in the preface Chan goes on to say,
“We need to stop giving people excuses not to believe in God. You’ve probably heard the expression “I believe in God, just not organized religion.” I don’t think people would say that if the church truly lived like we are called to live. The expression would change to “I can’t deny what the church does, but I don’t believe in their God.” At least then they’d address their rejection of God rather than use the church as a scapegoat.”
Wow. He is right you know, I’ve know many people who say this and I have to agree we give people the excuses. Christians stand before the world and are looked upon by our actions, our lives, and our churches. Sad but true, the actions of a few speak for the majority. I’m not sure the direction this book is heading, but the title “Crazy Love” and Francis Chan’s desire to pursue God, “to lead a church of comfortable people into lives of risk and adventure” sounds like a great vision to me. I’ll leave you with the closing words of the preface and hope you pick up a copy of this book.
“Come with me on this journey. I don’t promise it will be painless. Change, as we all know, is uncomfortable. It’s up to you to respond to what you read. But you will have a choice: to adjust how you live daily or to stay the same.”
This next week is going to be busy.
Monday: appointment for Lauren with peds neurosurgery, OT appointment for Lauren, work at the church in the afternoon, meeting with Copeland to get speakers back, drop drum set off to Justin Teseniar, and work on service for refuge Wednesday.
Tuesday: Work on service for refuge & setup the worship area. Be home by 3PM so the nurse can leave. Stay with Lauren until the nurse comes at 11PM while attempting to work from home. Watch lots of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. Fallout 3 Game of the Year Edition drops. Cook Dinner.
Wednesday: Up early for nurse to leave, finish service details/setup for refuge, pickup the outlaws I mean in-laws from the airport (I might have lunch with them if I am lucky), nurse leaves at 4 when my sweet wife gets home (she will be happy to see her parents). refuge at 6PM, freak out because I don’t have someone to lead music, then remember that my computer can handle it.
Thursday: Lauren’s surgery. We love visitors but Duke is not allowing ANYONE to visit other then immediate family members and no one under 18. Clergy are an exception, which covers just about all the people I know! However please call my cell before coming to see us. Lauren will spend at least the first day/night in the PICU of her 5 day stay and no one but us can be in there with her.
Friday: Stay with Lauren in hospital, hopefully on step down, pending how she recovers. Work on service stuff for Sunday. Push lauren around Duke in her stroller for 12 hours (pending how she’s doing). You laugh but last time we walked around Duke that much with her. We saw the fish tank (her favorite thing at Duke) every few minutes.
Saturday: Stay with Lauren in hospital.
Sunday: Morning service & movie night at church, stay with Lauren in hospital.
I’m sitting here in my office, I have not been in this seat very much this week or last but I’m hear now. We cancelled refuge this past wednesday night (good or not, I feel it was the right choice). There was no way I could make it here from Duke after Lauren had her tests to set things up (we had an event in the fellowship hall the same day so setup had not happened yet) nor would I have been in the right frame of mind to teach, or did I have enough time to have someone else prep. I have to say that balancing the ministry here and the home life has been a challenge. I fee that I am behind in so much and ahead in other things. Im glad my real office weighs about 6 pounds and has a 15″ screen with a glowing Apple logo. I’ve found it interesting to do ministry “work” in different environments and glad that I work at a church that has entrusted me with this ministry even when it means I’m not sitting at my physical desk 40 hours a week or for two days because Lauren has appointments or she is in the hospital, or that my car is at the church till 12AM one night and only there 4 hours the following day, or that I’m up until all hours planning a worship service because that’s when time was available to do so and I have not been sleeping well anyway. Our church knows I’m working when I can, 5 minutes here, a couple hours there. I’m thankful for technology and the ability I have through it to work in these different places where 20-30 years ago it would have been more of a challenge. Our students have been understanding too, we connect daily/weekly on Facebook and through twitter and text messaging. No, it does not compare to “in person” community (in my opinion) but it’s a form of community just the same and for them more so. Find balance in life is hard. If God is the focus, the center (thanks Charlie Hall) then all things find balance and flow out from him who is the axis of life.
So I’m thankful for technology, for life, for Lauren, for a church that has my back, for our students’ and adults’ support/understanding, and for God who we struggle with understanding sometimes (especially when our life is nuts) but hey I’m okay with that since Jeremy Copeland reminded my wife and I Sunday night at a preview service for a church he is planting called Story Church that “Jesus isn’t overwhelmed by our circumstances.”
Phone just rang and a student needs a lift from school so I’m out to pick him up and spend some time with him and hope that God would use me as a subtle tool to speak hope and love into the areas of his life that he needs it most.
I read these words over at my friend bush’s blog.
“May God grant me the grace and the ability to show August what it means to be a Godly man…who risks everything he has for the sake of the Kingdom and Glory of God.”
The whole line has hit me when it comes to my daughter, her life now brings people hope. Will it in the future? Will my wife and I raise her to be a Godly woman? Will she choose to live her life that way? See ultimately it’s her choice, no matter what she chooses or how she lives we will love her, encourage her, and support her. I pray too like Bush, that God would grant me the grace an ability to show Lauren what it means to live a Godly life.
Now the last part really hits me as a father/pastor/christian/whatever you want to call me “…who risks everything he has for the sake of the Kingdom and Glory of God.” Man, I don’t think I’m there, this has been something I’ve really been struggling with lately, and if I’m not there how can I as a father/pastor/christian live that out for my daughter or the people I minister too week in and week out?
Lets face it though, most of us sitting in front of our computers, in the air conditioned office/home/coffee shop where your reading this are with me. We talk big and it’s just big talk. If God told you or I to drop everything and move your family to who knows where, with no place yet to live, a mortgage to pay where your at now, no job, no whatever, we would not do it. We always want a plan, and always have a plan ‘B” in the wings. We don’t really just “risk everything for the sake of the Kingdom and Glory of God” do we?
My God, when you bring these moments into my life may I be willing to risk it all like Bush is talking about, for the sake of your Kingdom and your Glory, for the sake of my daughter to be a Godly example to her and to speak into her life on your behalf, and for the sake of those who you will bring into my life, that they might see you in my brokenness.
Here is one of the videos I have been working on for The Justin Teseniar Band for their upcoming Holding on to Hope Tour. I hope you enjoy watching it and then book them. It will be an amazing God centered night of worship. If you would like a copy of the Holding on to Hope tour info for your church or other venue let me know and it will get dropped it in the mail.
This is from a blog friend Brian Vinson aka “The Thief” and I just felt like someone needed to read this today so I’m reposting it on Jesus and Java
“Now that’s a mouthful if ever I’ve written one. What does that even mean: discerning a call to ministry?
I don’t have any idea.
I think it’s a nice way to say that I figured out that I *can’t* do anything else; I *must* be in full-time ministry.
When I was getting ready to go to seminary, my friend Roby told me, “If you can do anything else, then do it.”
What he meant was that even though I was feeling a pull to seminary and to enter some kind of full-time ministry career, if there was any other way I could live, then maybe the ministry wasn’t for me.
I didn’t really get it then, but after a lot of soul-searching, I think I do. Here’s the thing: I wouldn’t be fulfilled in any other line of work. The fact is, I *must* be about the LORD’s work.
I first started to realize that God was calling me to do something for Him after I went to Russia on a mission trip. There’s something about being a full-time missionary (even for only 6 1/2 weeks) that makes one evaluate what’s true and what’s worthwhile.
I realized that some things I valued weren’t of much value to God and some things I badly wanted weren’t things that God wanted and some things I feared weren’t of any consequence to God.
And God spoke through me while I was there, obedient to Him.
Talking about this experience with a trusted small group of friends helped me to understand that this was God’s plan for my life. Very encouraging, but kind of scary, too.
Seminary was a great time of growth for me; besides a whole bunch of fantastic book knowledge, I gained a deeper intimacy with God and a more healthy understanding of pastors, potential pastors, and seminary professors as regular humans (for good or not).
I love being in ministry, because for all of my life, God has been preparing me for it. If you are in the midst of wondering “Is God calling me to ministry” here is a page with some further stories from other young clergy about their call to ministry. And if you’re in the 18-24 range, you’ll want to check out this event.”
I know some people who read this are diehard one denomination or another but that’s not what this is about. It’s about God’s calling on someone’s life. Maybe it’s yours.
This last week is going to come over a few posts as I try to organize my thoughts. Here is the first.
I’m still sitting here in awe of this past week as we drive North on I95 heading toward our home in North Carolina. Chapel Hill/Durham seems so distant while I sit here and reflect. Geoff is doing a great job driving, and we have been talking a lot about life love and ministry this week. He is going to start work on a new website for refuge student ministries and I can’t wait to share it with you when we have our re-launch. My goal is for it to be a hub/outlet for our student ministry and a place where our students can come together and share in the vision God has laid on my heart and their hearts this past week.
Lives have been changed. Hearts broken. Our God lifted in worship by 7,000 voices singing endlessly of His love. Our students and others at the camp have been changed, touched, and flipped. Three of our 14 students who attend are now following God. Four others have decided that the way their living is not God honoring and that change needs to happen and it starts with their hearts, with mercy.
I was amazed to see our student worship outwardly. To worship freely with their “posture” and how it changes in the presence of God as Louie Giglio said. Till this point in our student ministry there has been very little of that. It was great to see our adult leaders doing the same, engaging God in ways they never had before. Our students have found that they can pray for each other and they need to. They found unity in laying hands on each other, praying, and embracing as the flood gates opened and hearts where poured out. I don’t think there is a person who came with us that did not shed a tear as God moved the mass of students and adults we called Student life Daytona Beach.
I loved this moment. We where sitting in the nosebleed section it was dark and Louie was talking about loss and asked if anyone had lost someone recently and a lady sitting alone in front of me raised her palm ever so slightly. I put my hand on her shoulder and she began to weep, a few moments later our students, students who earlier would have never ventured out to show love and compassion for a stranger put their hands on her and you could literally feel her shudder as the hands of love and understanding from complete strangers in the dark reached her. She was not alone. There was a God who loved her and still loves her and will always love her and there are His people who are willing to be the catalysts for that love.
Our student ministry now sponsors a child through Compassion and you will be hearing more about that on this blog. We have started with one child and the students hope to sponsor more within this one Compassion project to invest their time and money long term in one area, which I think is amazing. It’s a vision that I have had too and God is moving in it and thorough the organization of Compassion. The students picked out four kids and we talked about each and their needs and decided on a one child in Indonesia which is 86% muslim and a nation of Islands in the Indian Ocean. Our students are now making a dent on the world and are helping to move one child out of poverty. I’m blessed to have teenagers who have a desire to help children in need.
I believe for the first time our students discovered the love of the God of Refuge. The God who comforts the broken soul. The God who provides shelter. The same God of salvation that reaches to the depths of our hearts and pours His love and mercy on us. This week our students meet that God face to face and their posture changed.
Why would you die for me? Why would you give your life over for me so long ago, long before I walked this earth, long before my parents or their parents walked this earth? I have done nothing do deserve this type of love. Why would you do this for me? I cannot grasp your idea of love and your idea of forgiveness. Yet, you pour it out onto me.
In my shame and brokenness, I crawl before your feet. My tears, they stain your skin with my filth yet in your holiness they are continually washed away. You are far from condemning, but gently lay your hands on my head and speak to the very depths of my soul. To places that only you and I know exist. You speak to my soul; and you speak for my soul. If you did not speak for it, it would be banished for it as I said is full of shame and brokenness. Some of which is of it’s own accord and some of which was brought about by the very nature which you created in me and in the others who have gone before me, even to the first of your creation.
I do not blame you for this nature but thank you for it. For in this nature you have given others and myself knowledge and the idea of choice from the moment time began and it is through this nature and the idea of choice that I must live and in doing so die to self and to the breath I take. Your hand still lay gently on my head, you intercede for me today and every day, speaking on my behalf to the one I cannot see. Do I desire it? Yes. Do I deserve it? No, but I thank you for it. Without you I would be nothing.