Compassion
I can’t believe it’s been since the 22nd of November that I have updated my blog. I have been so busy with Lauren and the student ministry at our church that I have not had much time to update here.
Lauren is doing amazing. She had her trach taken out and the stoma stitched closed this past weekend. She is now home and making noise. She is quite a bit hoarse but that is to be expected. She has “discovered” her voice we thing and sits and makes noise when she reads a book. The greatest moment is one I posted on twitter. I could feel her breath on my neck as I held her sleeping body in my arms. It brought tears to my eyes because it’s one of those things must of us take for granted.
The student ministry is going full throttle this month. I actually can’t wait till the end of the month so we can all (students included) breath a little. We had a spaghetti lunch this past Sunday to raise some money for our winter retreat which is scheduled for the 20th-22nd of December. We are heading to Boone, NC for two days of skiing and worship/retreat time. I’m going to be teaching and Justin Teseniar is going to be leading the music this year. I’m hoping that this will be a very reflective soul searching time for our students as they reflect on this past year and look to the new one that is upon us. Last night and tonight we are volunteering at the Christmas Toy Store which is hosted by our local association of churches and is an opportunity for our students to help those in need. We have Refuge tomorrow night as well as a parent meeting to follow for the winter retreat and a few other events this month for the church as a whole and our student ministry. December is also a time I do a lot of planning for the following year and really try to get my brain wrapped around the direction God has for us.
Fun Times!
I’ve started reading a book this week called “Crazy Love,” I know, you read the title and your like what? Just hear me out a minute. It is a book by pastor/speaker Francis Chan, who many of you in our church have likely never heard of, but I would encourage you to pick up this book and give it a read. I am on the first chapter and desire to share with you something Chan wrote in the preface.
“This book is written for those who want more Jesus. It is for those who are bored with what American Christianity offers. It is for those who don’t want to plateau, those who would rather die before their convictions do.”
I stand amazed when I read this and have to admit that I am VERY bored with “American Christianity” and what it offers as Chan has said. I believe when we step back and look at our Christianity, that is our personal belief in Christ and what the word “disciple” means, many of us would have to admit we have reached a plateau having found the comfort it offers good. I would also add our desire to continue the journey to the summit has waned considerably and I fear for many it may not exist at all.
In my own life, I have this desire of wanting more Jesus of wanting to follow Him no matter the cost but am I willing to do what it takes? Are you willing too? Are we as a church willing? I am excited as I read the pages and scared too because the words are challenging my soul. Later in the preface Chan goes on to say,
“We need to stop giving people excuses not to believe in God. You’ve probably heard the expression “I believe in God, just not organized religion.” I don’t think people would say that if the church truly lived like we are called to live. The expression would change to “I can’t deny what the church does, but I don’t believe in their God.” At least then they’d address their rejection of God rather than use the church as a scapegoat.”
Wow. He is right you know, I’ve know many people who say this and I have to agree we give people the excuses. Christians stand before the world and are looked upon by our actions, our lives, and our churches. Sad but true, the actions of a few speak for the majority. I’m not sure the direction this book is heading, but the title “Crazy Love” and Francis Chan’s desire to pursue God, “to lead a church of comfortable people into lives of risk and adventure” sounds like a great vision to me. I’ll leave you with the closing words of the preface and hope you pick up a copy of this book.
“Come with me on this journey. I don’t promise it will be painless. Change, as we all know, is uncomfortable. It’s up to you to respond to what you read. But you will have a choice: to adjust how you live daily or to stay the same.”
I’m sitting here in my office, I have not been in this seat very much this week or last but I’m hear now. We cancelled refuge this past wednesday night (good or not, I feel it was the right choice). There was no way I could make it here from Duke after Lauren had her tests to set things up (we had an event in the fellowship hall the same day so setup had not happened yet) nor would I have been in the right frame of mind to teach, or did I have enough time to have someone else prep. I have to say that balancing the ministry here and the home life has been a challenge. I fee that I am behind in so much and ahead in other things. Im glad my real office weighs about 6 pounds and has a 15″ screen with a glowing Apple logo. I’ve found it interesting to do ministry “work” in different environments and glad that I work at a church that has entrusted me with this ministry even when it means I’m not sitting at my physical desk 40 hours a week or for two days because Lauren has appointments or she is in the hospital, or that my car is at the church till 12AM one night and only there 4 hours the following day, or that I’m up until all hours planning a worship service because that’s when time was available to do so and I have not been sleeping well anyway. Our church knows I’m working when I can, 5 minutes here, a couple hours there. I’m thankful for technology and the ability I have through it to work in these different places where 20-30 years ago it would have been more of a challenge. Our students have been understanding too, we connect daily/weekly on Facebook and through twitter and text messaging. No, it does not compare to “in person” community (in my opinion) but it’s a form of community just the same and for them more so. Find balance in life is hard. If God is the focus, the center (thanks Charlie Hall) then all things find balance and flow out from him who is the axis of life.
So I’m thankful for technology, for life, for Lauren, for a church that has my back, for our students’ and adults’ support/understanding, and for God who we struggle with understanding sometimes (especially when our life is nuts) but hey I’m okay with that since Jeremy Copeland reminded my wife and I Sunday night at a preview service for a church he is planting called Story Church that “Jesus isn’t overwhelmed by our circumstances.”
Phone just rang and a student needs a lift from school so I’m out to pick him up and spend some time with him and hope that God would use me as a subtle tool to speak hope and love into the areas of his life that he needs it most.
I read these words over at my friend bush’s blog.
“May God grant me the grace and the ability to show August what it means to be a Godly man…who risks everything he has for the sake of the Kingdom and Glory of God.”
The whole line has hit me when it comes to my daughter, her life now brings people hope. Will it in the future? Will my wife and I raise her to be a Godly woman? Will she choose to live her life that way? See ultimately it’s her choice, no matter what she chooses or how she lives we will love her, encourage her, and support her. I pray too like Bush, that God would grant me the grace an ability to show Lauren what it means to live a Godly life.
Now the last part really hits me as a father/pastor/christian/whatever you want to call me “…who risks everything he has for the sake of the Kingdom and Glory of God.” Man, I don’t think I’m there, this has been something I’ve really been struggling with lately, and if I’m not there how can I as a father/pastor/christian live that out for my daughter or the people I minister too week in and week out?
Lets face it though, most of us sitting in front of our computers, in the air conditioned office/home/coffee shop where your reading this are with me. We talk big and it’s just big talk. If God told you or I to drop everything and move your family to who knows where, with no place yet to live, a mortgage to pay where your at now, no job, no whatever, we would not do it. We always want a plan, and always have a plan ‘B” in the wings. We don’t really just “risk everything for the sake of the Kingdom and Glory of God” do we?
My God, when you bring these moments into my life may I be willing to risk it all like Bush is talking about, for the sake of your Kingdom and your Glory, for the sake of my daughter to be a Godly example to her and to speak into her life on your behalf, and for the sake of those who you will bring into my life, that they might see you in my brokenness.
Here is one of the videos I have been working on for The Justin Teseniar Band for their upcoming Holding on to Hope Tour. I hope you enjoy watching it and then book them. It will be an amazing God centered night of worship. If you would like a copy of the Holding on to Hope tour info for your church or other venue let me know and it will get dropped it in the mail.
Why would you die for me? Why would you give your life over for me so long ago, long before I walked this earth, long before my parents or their parents walked this earth? I have done nothing do deserve this type of love. Why would you do this for me? I cannot grasp your idea of love and your idea of forgiveness. Yet, you pour it out onto me.
In my shame and brokenness, I crawl before your feet. My tears, they stain your skin with my filth yet in your holiness they are continually washed away. You are far from condemning, but gently lay your hands on my head and speak to the very depths of my soul. To places that only you and I know exist. You speak to my soul; and you speak for my soul. If you did not speak for it, it would be banished for it as I said is full of shame and brokenness. Some of which is of it’s own accord and some of which was brought about by the very nature which you created in me and in the others who have gone before me, even to the first of your creation.
I do not blame you for this nature but thank you for it. For in this nature you have given others and myself knowledge and the idea of choice from the moment time began and it is through this nature and the idea of choice that I must live and in doing so die to self and to the breath I take. Your hand still lay gently on my head, you intercede for me today and every day, speaking on my behalf to the one I cannot see. Do I desire it? Yes. Do I deserve it? No, but I thank you for it. Without you I would be nothing.
I’m posting this now cuz I can. I had this great pic for Photography Friday and ya know I forgot to post it. So next week you can see it.
We had our Rock-a-thon this past Friday night, it took a far amount of setup but we pulled it off. Thank you to all those who helped and the students who participated. If you don’t know what a rock-a-thon is try sitting in a rocking chair for 12 hours and rock the whole time. Really can make your rear sore.
Beck has been doing continuing education classes this weekend at a conference out of town, well in Burlington about 45 minutes away. We will see how it plays out tomorrow when I’m alone with Lauren at church. It will be a new experience.
Tomorrow I’m doing a photo shoot for the Justin Teseniar Band in the evening and I’m really looking forward to the challenge of it. We are also shooting video throughout the week for their new album Holding on to Hope. We have rented a Prosumer HD Camcorder from LensRentals.com and if your looking for a place to rent glass or video equipment I would highly recommend this company which came on a recommendation from Steven Bush. I have been very impressed.
Started a series this past week with Refuge called “Stories” and the drive behind it is how our stories intertwine with those of the people around us and how each of those stories are part of this bigger story God is writing. We talked about the stories of “serving others” Wednesday night since we will have an opportunity to serve students coming to our town for World Changers in a few weeks. This coming week we are going to look at the stories of some students who took a challenge to live homeless to see and experience life on the other side of the tracks.
This coming week is going to be busy, but I’m looking forward to what God is going to do.
***I also edited my blog roll, if you have not updated in forever, or have deleted your blog sorry***
“As for me, my life has already been poured out as an offering to God. The time of my death is near. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, and I have remained faithful.”
Paul wrote these words in his final letter to Timothy (2 Timothy 4:6-7 NLT). A letter that would reach its destination long after Paul was dragged from his prison cell, past the outer wall of the city of Rome, and beheaded for his faith.
I can’t imagine what Paul went through in his life. When we first meet up with him, men are handing him their cloaks as they stone Steven to death. When he writes this final letter to Timothy, he has trekked some 10,000 miles sharing Jesus and lived through more persecution then any person should in a lifetime (see 2 Corinthians 11:22-30) and yet here he is. When God said to Ananias in Acts 9:16 (NIV), “I will show him how much he must suffer for my name.” God was far from joking. Paul suffered, but he also persevered. His letters to the various churches do not contain the complaints about food or the guards beating him, they contain the very fabric of our faith, he writes with great conviction and burden as God comforts him and guides his pen.
When I am at the end of my life, wherever and whenever that may be, I want to be able to look back and say the words of Paul found in 2nd Timothy with the deepest conviction. To seek God as Paul did is not for the faint hearted, it’s not the health and wealth Gospel you find many places today, but a Gospel of persecution and brokenness shrouded in the loving blood and grace of Jesus and redemption. I don’t know if I have what it takes but I pray that God would look at me when I stand before him, take my hand, and say, “Well done good and faithful servant.”
This is how life roles when you can’t get a break in life. The first house we had under contract has fallen through and we lost some money, granted it was not a large amount to most people, but to us it was. We where able to get the rest of our money back, thank God. The more our agent dug into things the more fishy it became. I’ll post details later. We want to put an offer on another house but can’t until at least Monday when we are officially pulled out of the current one. If this too falls through we will be stuck in a rental for at least another year. We are really tired of having to move, especially with Lauren’s medical condition, it makes it that much more difficult. We never did fully move into our apartment as some of you who have seen it can attest.
Lauren is doing well, taking first steps and signing more, I will work on getting some photos up of her doing this. She is after all growing like a weed. We see the plastic surgeon in July to get on with the next leg of surgery and hopefully in 6-9 months or more removing her trach, but we are done holding our breath for that to happen (pun intended).
I miss posting photos for Photography Friday and hope to get back at that soon, there is so much to shoot here in the triangle. Finding time is a whole other road I’m not going to travel down.
I was actually going to take a sabbatical from blogging but well… I did for a few weeks. Hope all is well in everyone else’s world.
As a side note, we have raised between $700-$1,000 for the Ronald McDonald House of Durham, If you would like to help out please click the link in the right column to donate.